I've seen parts of the documentary "Somewhere Between" (it is on Netflix for those interested) but last night, I sat down to watch the whole thing start to finish. I hadn't watched it completely before because I knew it would bring a lot of difficult things to think about and process as an adoptive mom, and I knew I'd have tears. Yes, it did all those things. It really made me very sad. The pit in your stomach kind of sad. I'm sad that my boys had to go through an adoption in the first place. Sad that they were afraid of me. Sad that they were placed by birth parents. It made me grieve in some small way for my boys birth parents. There are four adults in this world who would be so proud.

I think of my boys as all mine-100%. But after watching, I think it would be harder to think that way if birth parents had faces. Then my boys would belong to someone else in a way. Right now, birth parents are figments with no face, no personality buried in the past. It is true that the boys have a journey to walk that is unique to their own personal thoughts and feelings. They may even think and view their pasts differently. They may grow up and never have a desire to know more; or we may be making a trip to search for more answers. I can only stand by and help guide. This parenting gig is really difficult. You never really know if your making the right choice, you always wish you were better at it, and you always make mistakes. I've made so many that I don't care to think about it. Adoptive parenting adds another layer of thick fog to the confusion of parenting. There's a whole road ahead of us, and I'm pretty sure it's going to be interesting. Praying I'm a help to my kids and not a hindrance as they find their identity and their way into happy, healthy, secure adulthood. I pray that if they feel they have their feet in different worlds that they will be happy and content with who they are.

Deb from WhatsInMyAttic  – (July 19, 2013 at 6:05 AM)  

This is says so much. You see so clearly your role in the whole picture of the boys lives ... And I've seen that documentary. Amazing.

Kristi  – (August 9, 2013 at 4:58 PM)  

"This parenting gig is really difficult." ~ Amen sister, amen! I often wonder what it would be like if we knew something, anything about birth parents. And I pray that I'll have the courage and heart to help them search one day if they want to navigate that road.
Your boys are blessed to have you because you are looking at the story from several angles, not just yours!

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